From as near as I can tell, the act of meditation entails practicing and cultivating habits of mind. Nothing more than that.

I’ve been thinking about meditation for a really long time, as I’ve read a bit about it, especially the lojong practice discussed in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition. When you get into the whys and wherefores of it, you start approaching a rather religious discussion, but putting that aside, I’ve been wondering what will happen if I diligently practice it.

Maybe it’s not fair to say that I’m wondering, what’s the point? What’s the purpose? Is there a goal? I admit that sort of language crossed my mind at first. It doesn’t seem to be a useful line of questioning. Rather, those questions seem to impose a kind of value judgment on your practice: Am I achieving a goal? Progressing towards a desired outcome?

That’s not necessarily what I want. In fact, there’s no place for “want” in this. Just an exercise.

So along and along, I’ve indulged in the practice in quiet moments. Not a lot. Perhaps I haven’t been as diligent as I would if I were practicing under a formalized setting. But I don’t hold that against myself. I used to. I’m learning more and more to observe that fact and then let it go.

I can’t say that I’ve accomplished things. I can talk about what I’ve noticed, and I can talk about what I’ve focused on.

I try to focus on awareness. When I was having angst about the experience, like I said, I wondered where I was supposed to be going with this, but after a conversation with a friend, we talked about awareness, and I thought, well, there doesn’t have to be some end goal. Awareness is a nice thing to have. Who doesn’t want to be more aware?

I’ve noticed how quickly my thoughts blow me away from the current moment, how quickly they carry me forward in time. As I live and grow and accumulate time and experiences, the more quickly I tumble forward, out of control, my thoughts and experiences aggregating around me until the current moment is hard to see.

So I just want to be more aware, and this has this side-effect, one I’ve found really beneficial, of slowing down the passage of time. Maybe I shouldn’t call it a side-effect; that implies there’s some primary effect I’m chasing. Just an effect.

I don’t have much else to report. I just wanted to share that experience, in hopes someone else out there is thinking about meditation.